BROKEN
‘Oh my God, I didn’t just see that, there must have been a mistake somewhere’, so I said to myself driving and swifting pass cars on the street like fast and furious but with tears in my eyes (winks), hitting the wheel of my car screaming at the top of my voice like someone loosing her mind.
Park! Park! Park!
With one loud siren sounding in my head was the next thing I heard, thinking it was my mind still playing tricks on me so I ignored and continued soliloquizing. Looking out of my window, I saw one man on bike with one big helmet on his head shouting and pointing to the side of the road, ‘park this car’ he said to me, then I realized who he was (all this LASMA in lagos sha), I immediately parked.
‘You must be a very stupid woman’ was the first thing this yeye LASMA said to me, you have broken more than a dozen road laws and he continued ranting insult and words at me (this was a typical Insult added to my Injure), I said to him ‘oga calm down nau’ he replied by saying ‘all this runs babe and ashawo self’ (Prositute), chai (this man don match line o), as soon as he finished his statement I was already out of my car with a shoe in my hand (konko shoe) and my pepper spray, I jumped at him like a loosed mad dog and poured out all my fraustration on him, I actually beat the hell out of him before the multitude of Jobless Lagosians came to his rescue.
As usual (typical Nigerians and Lagosians) everyone wanted to know what happened in full gist and I was not interested in sharing any story (mtewww). The painful part of it is that they all wanted to know not to solve it o but to spread the news abroad, amebo poepole (I wish this is how the gospel was spread ehn e for no pain me). Anyways that didn’t stop me from trying to kill that yeye LASMA.
Few minutes later the Police arrived with their black and black, I was arrested and locked in Onikan Police Station for three days before been taking to court then referred to you sir, turning to the psychologist stirring at my huge face with tears and pain. He sighed deeply looking into my eyes and asked a straight question ‘WHO WAS THE GUY?’, Sir, which guy? I enquired, He smiled at me and said ‘The guy who made you lose control of yourself, the one who made you cry’. In my mind (this man must be a wizard and I was trying to arrange the lie I want to cook up for him) then he said ‘I know what you are trying to do but please if you want me to help you need to tell me the full story’. Immediately he finished talking I burst into tears.
It all started when I entered the University to study Medicine and Sugery in Unilag, as my Dad is a very successful business man, making me a typical Ajebo pikin (Rich child) but not the spoilt type sha. He was separted from my mum when I was 14 years of age (it was a big fall out) and it reshaped my whole tenage process. I couldn’t understand why they were divorced cause I knew how much they loved each other. Anyways that’s their love story. (Back to me) I was staying off campus with one of my childhood friend Rita by name, she was a Law stu dent we both were the “Awon omo olowo” (Rich men children).
I was a Christain in quote not the spiritual type just the Christain by religion, I believe in Jesus and all those stuff but never actually engaged in the full sense of it. I go to church once a year like most of us do (you guessed right. Only on 31st December), we know ourselves (lolz) but I have read a lot of books espcecially the once on Relationship, I mean a lot. Vitually all the books on Marriage and Relationship I have downloaded them on my head, so I was an expert in Theoritical aspect of Marriage, Dating and Relationship in general but have never actually dated anyone but was a good advicer on the matter.
But there was the persistent young man, actually, he was my next door neigbour who always invite me for Church programs and meetings and he prays a lot at night (chai!) he can disturb me and my good night sleep but he was very nice and caring actually he was cute also but not my type and by type I mean not the kind of guy I pictured Dating talkless of marriage (I presume he was going to be a Pastor and Who wants to be a pastors wife? Not me) so because of his good qualities every other thing he did was just a pass by for me. He never stopped inviting me to Church, I also never stopped promising him of next time. 14th December that year, he won the struggle when he invited me for a relationship special program hmmmm it didn’t sound too churchi or spiritual so I decided to grce the occasion so I called.
Fast forward to the date.
I wore one of my long blue gown with a 4inch tall heels (just like the one I used to break that LASMA head). Alongside me was my roomie of life (birds of the same feather). We intentionally went late to the program just to get all attention on us but God had other plans for us. On arrival, it was a deep worship seasion in preparation for the Message, so nobody noticed a fly that passed talkless of us. We finally entered and got a seat in the middle. Like one serious people, we joined the worship session and raised our hands in glory of Jesus (hallelujah).
After the worship, the Pastor came up to Preach the word and he started by asking everyone to welcome our neigbour and say “welcome to church”, I turned to my friend and said those words. He then asked us to turn to our other neigbour and say ‘YOU LOOK HANDSOME OR BEAUTIFUL’. Immediately I turned to the guy on my left and shook his hands, I felt my spirit leaving my body as I lost all my Human and Woman sense. OMG this guy is the most handsome guy I have ever seen, Jess, his hands were so soft (huhuh), tall and fair in complexion (you know what I mean nau), Glory! he looked exactly like the guy in my head. (all things are working for my Good) was the song playing in my head, to know finish me he said with his Husky voice ‘You look B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L’, if am honest I almost fainted but thanks to my friend who gave me an elbow to correct my stupid action then I regained myself and shyly sid to him “YOU LOOK HANDSOME TOO’. The rest of the service I spent fantasizing about the Young gentleman by my side.
Closing the service, the Pastor made an Altar call for those who wants to give their lifes to Christ, actually I didn’t even hear what the Pastor said but all I knew was Mr. Handsome stood up and went to the front with the others so I joined the train not knowing where it was going to. Surprisingly my bestie came out too but never knew her reason and never asked (never cared). After the prayers and all that, He finally (the Pasotor) asked first timers to stand up and come forward again, I heard that part cause I was anxiously waiting for that part. We stepped forward and Mr. Handsome was also in the queue Wow!. We went into a room where we were attended to by My Persistent Neigbour (the Evangelism cord, not surprised though). Do you have a pen echoed in my head from behind (same sexy Husky voice again) I replied I do but you will pay for borrowing, he chuckled at me (wow he even has a dimple too). After that day, never saw him again till the next Sunday when I came to Church (for my mind am now a church goer lolz). After the service Mr. Handsome walked up to me and said ‘you forgot your pen’, I didn’t hear what he said until he stretch forth my pen and said thank you, he then asked for my name and I said Erica and he said am Jim (wow simple name). We exchanged number and that was the point (which point?. Stay tunned for episode 2)
Park! Park! Park!
With one loud siren sounding in my head was the next thing I heard, thinking it was my mind still playing tricks on me so I ignored and continued soliloquizing. Looking out of my window, I saw one man on bike with one big helmet on his head shouting and pointing to the side of the road, ‘park this car’ he said to me, then I realized who he was (all this LASMA in lagos sha), I immediately parked.
‘You must be a very stupid woman’ was the first thing this yeye LASMA said to me, you have broken more than a dozen road laws and he continued ranting insult and words at me (this was a typical Insult added to my Injure), I said to him ‘oga calm down nau’ he replied by saying ‘all this runs babe and ashawo self’ (Prositute), chai (this man don match line o), as soon as he finished his statement I was already out of my car with a shoe in my hand (konko shoe) and my pepper spray, I jumped at him like a loosed mad dog and poured out all my fraustration on him, I actually beat the hell out of him before the multitude of Jobless Lagosians came to his rescue.
As usual (typical Nigerians and Lagosians) everyone wanted to know what happened in full gist and I was not interested in sharing any story (mtewww). The painful part of it is that they all wanted to know not to solve it o but to spread the news abroad, amebo poepole (I wish this is how the gospel was spread ehn e for no pain me). Anyways that didn’t stop me from trying to kill that yeye LASMA.
Few minutes later the Police arrived with their black and black, I was arrested and locked in Onikan Police Station for three days before been taking to court then referred to you sir, turning to the psychologist stirring at my huge face with tears and pain. He sighed deeply looking into my eyes and asked a straight question ‘WHO WAS THE GUY?’, Sir, which guy? I enquired, He smiled at me and said ‘The guy who made you lose control of yourself, the one who made you cry’. In my mind (this man must be a wizard and I was trying to arrange the lie I want to cook up for him) then he said ‘I know what you are trying to do but please if you want me to help you need to tell me the full story’. Immediately he finished talking I burst into tears.
It all started when I entered the University to study Medicine and Sugery in Unilag, as my Dad is a very successful business man, making me a typical Ajebo pikin (Rich child) but not the spoilt type sha. He was separted from my mum when I was 14 years of age (it was a big fall out) and it reshaped my whole tenage process. I couldn’t understand why they were divorced cause I knew how much they loved each other. Anyways that’s their love story. (Back to me) I was staying off campus with one of my childhood friend Rita by name, she was a Law stu dent we both were the “Awon omo olowo” (Rich men children).
I was a Christain in quote not the spiritual type just the Christain by religion, I believe in Jesus and all those stuff but never actually engaged in the full sense of it. I go to church once a year like most of us do (you guessed right. Only on 31st December), we know ourselves (lolz) but I have read a lot of books espcecially the once on Relationship, I mean a lot. Vitually all the books on Marriage and Relationship I have downloaded them on my head, so I was an expert in Theoritical aspect of Marriage, Dating and Relationship in general but have never actually dated anyone but was a good advicer on the matter.
But there was the persistent young man, actually, he was my next door neigbour who always invite me for Church programs and meetings and he prays a lot at night (chai!) he can disturb me and my good night sleep but he was very nice and caring actually he was cute also but not my type and by type I mean not the kind of guy I pictured Dating talkless of marriage (I presume he was going to be a Pastor and Who wants to be a pastors wife? Not me) so because of his good qualities every other thing he did was just a pass by for me. He never stopped inviting me to Church, I also never stopped promising him of next time. 14th December that year, he won the struggle when he invited me for a relationship special program hmmmm it didn’t sound too churchi or spiritual so I decided to grce the occasion so I called.
Fast forward to the date.
I wore one of my long blue gown with a 4inch tall heels (just like the one I used to break that LASMA head). Alongside me was my roomie of life (birds of the same feather). We intentionally went late to the program just to get all attention on us but God had other plans for us. On arrival, it was a deep worship seasion in preparation for the Message, so nobody noticed a fly that passed talkless of us. We finally entered and got a seat in the middle. Like one serious people, we joined the worship session and raised our hands in glory of Jesus (hallelujah).
After the worship, the Pastor came up to Preach the word and he started by asking everyone to welcome our neigbour and say “welcome to church”, I turned to my friend and said those words. He then asked us to turn to our other neigbour and say ‘YOU LOOK HANDSOME OR BEAUTIFUL’. Immediately I turned to the guy on my left and shook his hands, I felt my spirit leaving my body as I lost all my Human and Woman sense. OMG this guy is the most handsome guy I have ever seen, Jess, his hands were so soft (huhuh), tall and fair in complexion (you know what I mean nau), Glory! he looked exactly like the guy in my head. (all things are working for my Good) was the song playing in my head, to know finish me he said with his Husky voice ‘You look B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L’, if am honest I almost fainted but thanks to my friend who gave me an elbow to correct my stupid action then I regained myself and shyly sid to him “YOU LOOK HANDSOME TOO’. The rest of the service I spent fantasizing about the Young gentleman by my side.
Closing the service, the Pastor made an Altar call for those who wants to give their lifes to Christ, actually I didn’t even hear what the Pastor said but all I knew was Mr. Handsome stood up and went to the front with the others so I joined the train not knowing where it was going to. Surprisingly my bestie came out too but never knew her reason and never asked (never cared). After the prayers and all that, He finally (the Pasotor) asked first timers to stand up and come forward again, I heard that part cause I was anxiously waiting for that part. We stepped forward and Mr. Handsome was also in the queue Wow!. We went into a room where we were attended to by My Persistent Neigbour (the Evangelism cord, not surprised though). Do you have a pen echoed in my head from behind (same sexy Husky voice again) I replied I do but you will pay for borrowing, he chuckled at me (wow he even has a dimple too). After that day, never saw him again till the next Sunday when I came to Church (for my mind am now a church goer lolz). After the service Mr. Handsome walked up to me and said ‘you forgot your pen’, I didn’t hear what he said until he stretch forth my pen and said thank you, he then asked for my name and I said Erica and he said am Jim (wow simple name). We exchanged number and that was the point (which point?. Stay tunned for episode 2)
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